what I've learned so far...

In the two and a half short months that have passed since I became a mom to the most beautiful boy in creation (see above, I really don't think I'm all that biased), I can't honestly say that I have become a real fountain of knowledge when it comes to babies and motherhood.  It is abundantly clear that I have loads more to learn, and that it will be months years before I feel the teeniest bit of real confidence that I might, just might, have a handle on what I'm doing.  There are, however, a few conclusions that I have managed to draw which I feel properly reflect my practical sentiments regarding my new, wonderful life as a mother.

You will never need an alarm clock again.  Every time we have an event planned for the next day, I instinctively reach for my cell phone's alarm option.  Then I stop.  Why in the world would I need to set an alarm? It's a guarantee that we'll be up with the dawn, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Or at least one of us will be bright-eyed. That one being baby A.

Clothes are no longer interesting. I wasn't the biggest fashionista before my little baby arrived, but whatever style I did manage to pull off has perilously declined. My wardrobe is now extremely minimal, confined to two or three pairs of yoga pants, my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans (I have breastfeeding, that marvelous devourer of calories, to thank for that), four or five soft tees that are easy to pull up, and four nursing tanks.  I occasionally attempt to look slightly more dressed up with a cute Gap button-down shirt, but those days are rare.  On the other hand, I have developed a serious shopping problem when it comes to my baby.  I obsessively check Zulily every morning when we get up, and can spend hours perusing the Gap and Gymboree websites.  It's probably not a good thing that it's so simple to shop online.  I may or may not have spent an outrageous amount on ensuring that little A has a different Halloween-themed outfit for every day of the week leading up to Halloween.

Your brain is smaller.  I'm not even making this up, actually.  Yes, I noticed almost immediately during my first real, non-baby oriented adult conversation that it felt like an entire layer of functioning brain cells had literally been shaved off the top of my now pea-sized brain. This is not simply a side effect of sleep deprivation, either.  Even at two months, when my darling little A sleeps enough at night that I generally get 7 hours of sleep, I can tell that there is a real struggle to get all those neurons firing when it comes to anything that doesn't have to do with caring for my baby.  As it turns out, the female brain actually DOES shrink during pregnancy, a fact I discovered in the conveniently titled book, The Female Brain.  Incidentally, it's a very good read!

Grooming hits the skids. I embraced an extremely simple beauty routine in the month before A was born. It involved a neutral shade of Clinique eyeshadow, a trusty Laura Mercier concealer, dab of Maybelline mascara, hint of black eyeliner, and my standby, Benetint cheek stain.  I figured I would be able to manage it after the baby was born, and for the most part, I have had an extra two or three minutes after showering to make myself slightly more attractive and less like I've been up all night.  However, after the passing of two months, I decided that I might want to spend a bit more time on the ol' routine, and one morning, I dug through my makeup bag a bit to look for a different eyeshadow, only a slightly deeper, but more sophisticated brown shade.  As my fingers brushed across the few other items in my bag, I realized that I had completely forgotten how I wore them before.  What shades did I combine?  Did I actually use that blue/black eyeliner?  I have literally lost my beauty know-how.

It's not just the baby that will need a spare outfit. I know that not every baby is a spitter.  In my mind, I imagine these babies as mostly girls, who after a few gentle pats on the back, release delicate, subdued burps, and have eaten so quietly and gracefully that mere drops of milk occasionally escape from their mouths.  My dear, sweet baby is the complete opposite.  He has the digestive habits of a burly, uncouth man.  I'm envisioning a logger.  Or steel worker.  Or maybe an ice road trucker.  After he eats, he lets out huge, echoing belches.  During his dinner, he likes to do what I call "making a little room"-forcefully releasing giant amounts of poop.  Let's put it this way-it hasn't been just once that I've had to change my pants because a large, colorful pile of poop has stained them with a most unbecoming curry-bright stain.  Most troublesome to the wardrobe, however, is the massive amount of spit-up that results from my overly enthusiastic eater.  It results in several changes of his clothes, to be sure, but I'm seriously considering packing along an extra top for myself every time we go out, lest the employees of Trader Joe's or proprietors of my local children's bookshop think I'm embracing a bold new fashion statement which involves rivulets of creamy white spattered in unusual patterns all over my clothing, emitting a sourish odor.  It would be a mistake to assume it's simply your top layer that is exposed-many a day I have had to rush to find a clean bra or nursing top, after I've discovered a small reservoir of spit-up in the middle of my bosom, accompanied by a few curds of milk.  I'm so happy my baby is getting enough to eat, but let's face it-I can't exactly walk around with a puddle sloshing around in my bosom.

Hopefully, the next few years will find me adding to this list.  Of course, I aspire to be a parenting pro, but I have a feeling that my new boss, baby A, will have plenty of curveballs to throw my way.  One thing I know for sure is that it will be worth. every. minute.

P.S. That oft-shared piece of advice, "sleep when the baby sleeps"? I haven't exactly clung to it.  The hour or two I have during the day when A is asleep (he sleeps very well at night, but pretty much boycotts daytime naps) allow me some real "human" time.  I'm able to clean up the house a bit, catch up on thank you notes and school work, and maybe even blog (which, as you can see, is a challenge-it's been over a month since I posted!)! Incidentally, you will find that it's often next to impossible to lay down your precious sleeping baby when he is snuggled, warm and cozy, against your chest.  There is no better feeling in the world, and since I know it won't last forever, many a nap has passed in my arms.  And really, is there anything more important I could be doing than cradling my little love?

our greatest accomplishment

Meet Baby A.  He was born on July 5, at 4:15 pm, approximately twelve hours after we arrived at the hospital.  We are absolutely smitten with him, in all his perfection!  He was a solid 9 pounds, 9 ounces, and 21 inches long.  It wouldn't have mattered one bit, of course, had he been a little peanut and weighed 6 pounds, but I had always secretly had my heart set on having a ginormous baby.  I got my wish!

Our first month has been a dream, and I know that some day soon I will long for the sleep-deprived nights and most precious feeling of snuggling with a newborn, who wants nothing more than to be in our arms.  It has already gone so much faster than I thought it would.  My heart is bursting with love, every single second, for our little boy.  He is the greatest blessing we could have ever been given, and I still cannot believe he is ours.

a time for everything

I've never been a big reader of Ecclesiastes, even though I'm very well-versed when it comes to the Bible.  I know it's full of wise sayings, but its position there, tightly ensconced between the even wiser Proverbs and the passionate lamentations of Isaiah and Jeremiah has occasionally had the unfortunate consequence of losing my attention.

The one passage that I have always remembered from Ecclesiastes is probably the most oft-quoted.  Nevertheless, there is hardly anything more appropriate for the tumultuous and surreal surges of feeling that I have experienced during my almost two-month hiatus from blogging.

I steer clear from getting too personal on my blog, preferring instead to write about food and fluff, but as it is a record of sorts, I wanted to mark the time before I begin to write again in my normal flow and rhythm.  For now, I write as a mother, and also as a woman who has lost her own mother.  That the two events, a birth and a death, occurred within 10 days of each other still seems impossible to comprehend.

I take comfort, however, in these words, for they are too true.  I take comfort in the fact that my mother was able to meet my son, arriving on the very day he was born, a virtual miracle given her condition.  I take comfort in the knowledge that my mother has been eased of the burden of her illness and sadness, and must now blissfully enjoy a reunion in heaven that she has longed for.  I take comfort in the fact that I know I will see her again, and that she can look down and relish the sight of my little baby A.  I take comfort in the sight of my baby's incredibly beautiful, perfect little face, for he has brought me so much joy in the midst of sorrow.  And sometimes, that is as it should be, a natural part of life.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Almost three years ago, I wrote about a book my mom recommended, One True Thing, which is about a young woman's relationship with her mother.  It's a terribly sad, terribly good book, and it subject matter is even more resonant for me now.  I thumbed through it recently, and as I always have when rereading, turned to the passage when Ellen, the protagonist, is asked whether she loved her mother.

"The easy answer is yes.  But it's too easy just to say that when you're talking about your mother. It's so much more than love-it's, it's everything, isn't it?"  as though somehow they would all nod.  "When someone asks you where you came from, the answer is your mother."

When someone asks you where you came from, the answer is  your mother.

turkey chili: my first original recipe

I had such high aspirations for all the blogging I would do in these last lingering weeks before my little baby W arrives*. "What else would I have to do?", I thought. I envisioned golden mornings at my new breakfast table, typing away, and perhaps the occasional entry after my daily afternoon nap. As it happens, however, I have found myself to be one of two things lately: INCREDIBLY distracted and TREMENDOUSLY exhausted. Despite the plans I make for each day, after one big grocery shopping trip or drive down to Palo Alto for yoga, I'm done for the day. I inevitably eat a big lunch and collapse on the couch for a lengthy snooze. Upon awaking, it takes approximately five to ten minutes to successfully get off the couch, because apparently having one's 9-months-pregnant body in the same position for any extended length of time results in a feeling akin to being run over by a truck. You would think once I got that accomplished I might decide to do a bit of blogging, but instead, that's the moment when I manage to get a burst of energy, or enthusiasm, rather, for doing something productive. For the past week, this has resulted in a crazy cooking spree, the fruits of which have been a diverse variety of frozen meals for those days when all our family help has left and I'm responsible for taking care of my little baby and cooking dinner for SH and I.

This has been my plan all along, and it was something I talked about eagerly for months, telling everyone of my lofty goals for installing a chest freezer in my garage that I would be sure to stock completely full of dinners before baby arrives. Of course, that hasn't exactly turned out as planned. I've got a surprising amount of room in my freezer, which is a good thing, because as you might imagine, there is nothing waiting for me in the garage at the moment, besides a huge post-remodel mess and lots of dismantled cardboard boxes.

Thankfully, my cooking has gone exceptionally well, despite the fact that in an effort to reduce meal boredom later in the summer, I've cooked separate, non-freezer friendly meals for SH and I each night, and they've been served at an alarmingly late hour. In addition to lasagna, bolognese, my favorite turkey noodle casserole, and a delicious chicken dish that I'm definitely going to write about at some point, I froze several batches of my own original turkey chili.

Don't get me wrong, my humble little recipe is not exceptional in any way, and could easily be modified or altered. I'm sure there are hundreds of similar recipes out there, but I can't help but feel a little proud of the fact that I finally produced something on my own that is, I must say, extremely tasty and satisfying. It's also very easy, and quite healthy. So, without further adieu, I present my turkey chili:

Turkey Chili, a Katie original

1 lb ground turkey (I've taken to buying packages and keeping them in the freezer specifically for this dish)
2-3 zucchini, sliced into thirds length-wise and then chopped into half-inch size pieces
1 squash, given the same treatment as the zucchini (if your zucchini or squash are on the smallish side, feel free to add another)
1 small to medium onion, finely chopped
1 jalepeno, finely chopped (optional)
1 1/2 tablespoons red chili powder (I get mine special-ordered from New Mexico, in both red and green varieties, but you can easily find it in the spice aisle)
2 cans Rotel (or any brand of canned diced tomatoes and green chiles-in fact, the ones I find at Safeway and Trader Joe's are actually bigger than the cans of Rotel, which are more like 12 oz cans as opposed to 14)
1 28 oz can of hominy
Cooked rice for serving
Grated pepper jack or monterey jack cheese (optional)
Diced avocado spritzed with lime juice (optional)

1. In a medium-sized saute pan or large pot, brown the turkey in about 1 tablespoon EVOO over medium heat, breaking it up as it cooks with a wooden spoon.
2. Shift the turkey over to one side of the pan and add the chopped onion. Cook until slightly translucent, stirring frequently to prevent sticking. If you're adding a jalepeno to the chili, mix in with the onion.
3. Mix the onion and cooked turkey together, then add the squash and zucchini. Cook together for approximately five minutes, stirring frequently, just until the zucchini and squash soften a bit.
4. Add chili powder and season with salt and pepper.
5. Pour the diced tomatoes and green chiles into the turkey mixture. Fill one can with water and add this as well. If you would prefer a stew-like texture, stop here, but if you want your chili to be more soup-like, add two cans of water (Bonus: your cans are now conveniently clean enough to toss into the recycling bin!)
6. Allow the chili to begin to bubble, then add the entire can of hominy. Reduce heat to low and maintain a simmer until the hominy has completely heated through. The flavors will deepen a bit if you simmer for a half hour or so, but you could easily eat the chili once it's at a uniform temperature.
7. Serve with rice and top with grated cheese and avocados.

My SH and I are usually able to eat this for a few days, and I was able to divide this version of the recipe up into two freezer bags. I was hugely proud of myself as I flattened the bags carefully and placed them into the freezer.

I must acknowledge that I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to be at home in these last few weeks. So many expectant moms don't have that opportunity, and I know that I am VERY blessed. No matter how thrilling and exciting a time it is, I can definitely say with confidence that the last bit of pregnancy is physically exhausting-you are simply not yourself and not able to do everything you used to do. I tip my hat to those of us who are working until the last day or running around after other small children! And I definitely must thank my SH, for working so hard to provide for us so that I can be at home.

*No, that is NOT a clue to our baby's name! It's simply a notation for our last name. We haven't chosen it yet, though we have a short list.

Don't worry-I'm not going to name my son Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

Just in case you were wondering if my Twilight-love was still intact.

Bella's wedding look! Brazil, really Brazil! Bed-breaking!! Oh my!

Babies need a lot of stuff.

- Posted from my iPhone

Cornmeal-Crusted Catfish and Green Rice Pilaf

During these last few months while my beautiful new kitchen was taking shape, I often imagined what I would do when it was finished. I was sure that I would immediately embark on a cooking frenzy, relishing the view of my chopping boards on the cool green granite countertops and the very chef-like heaviness of the burners on my new stove. As it turns out, the exact opposite occurred. When the kitchen was finally ready, I couldn't bear to defile its pristine perfection. The idea of a simmering pot on the stove or splash of sauce on the counter seemed dreadful, and I could not stand the the thought of a dirty dish in that beautiful new sink.

However, after at least three dinners of salad and bowls of Panera's broccoli cheddar soup (my one true pregnancy addiction), I decided that I needed to snap out of it. A kitchen is meant to be used! We didn't spend all of that money for looks alone! I figured that rather than branch out with a bunch of new recipes, it might also help if just went back to some tried-and-true stuff, which inevitably meant turning to Rachael Ray.

This most WONDERFUL fish dish is one of the best things that I've made from 365:No Repeats, which is also by far the RR cookbook that I've used the most-sections of it have fallen out of the binding and it's a bit water-logged. I've prepared it a few times, but not for at least a year or so, and I had almost forgotten how good it was.

As I have confessed on many, many, occasions, I adore things with a "crust," especially when it's made of cornmeal. Cornmeal in particular makes for a very low-maintenance crust-no soaking in egg or flour is necessary. It clings quite well to fish, though to be honest, I'm not quite as sure about chicken. Catfish is a cheap, delicious option, and also quite safe for pregnant women, so a win-win for me.

The pilaf, though a bit more time-consuming than you might like, is totally worth the effort. My SH was out of town when I prepared the dish, so I had to resort to the light and easy-to-carry blender instead of my ginormous and heavy food processor when it came to making the spinach puree. It worked like a charm, and reminded me that I really should be making smoothies more often. It was highly satisfying to pour the bright green puree, smelling sweetly of basil, into the herb-flecked rice, and the lovely green pilaf goes perfectly with the fish. I suggest a generous squeeze of lemon.

P.S. The picture I've included is obviously what one might call a "pregnancy-sized portion." Although I could easily see my non-pregnant self devouring that same amount of green rice. It is very, very good.

Cornmeal-Crusted Catfish and Green Rice Pilaf, adapted from 365: No Repeats, by Rachael Ray

5 tablespoons EVOO
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 large shallot, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves, chopped (from 4 sprigs)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 1/2 cups long-grain rice
1/2 cup dry white wine (I used extra chicken stock)
3 cups chicken stock or broth
1/2 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves (a couple of generous handfuls)
1/2 pound fresh spinach leaves, trimmed and cleaned
20 fresh basil leaves
1 lemon, 1/2 juiced, the other half cut into wedges
4 6-8 ounce catfish fillets
1 cup yellow cornmeal

1. Preheat the oven to 400. Bring a medium sauce pot filled three-quarters full with water to a boil.
2. Heat a second medium saucepan or pot over moderate heat. Add 1 tablespoon of the EVOO (once around the pan), the butter, shallots, thyme, salt, and pepper. Saute the shallots for 2 minutes, then add the rice and lightly brown, 3-5 minutes. Add the wine and allow it to evaporate entirely, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Cover the rice and reduce the heat. Cook for 18 to 20 minutes, until tender.
3. Salt the boiling water in the other pot and add the parsley, spinach, and basil. Stir to submerge the greens for 30 seconds, then carefully take the pot to the sink. Use a slotted spoon or a spider to remove the greens to a colander. Discard the water. Rinse the greens under slow-running cold water to stop the cooking process. Give the greens a gentle squeeze to get rid of the excess water. Transfer the cooled, drained greens to a blender or food processor. Add about 2 tablespoons of EVOO and the lemon juice. Puree until completely smooth. Reserve the puree for finishing the cooked rice. (*I was very lazy when I made the dish this time-I didn't use a colander, simply the lid to my pot, draining it as best I could. There were no ill effects!)
4. Preheat a large oven-safe nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the remaining 2 tablespoons of EVOO. Season the catfish with salt and pepper and coat evenly and completely in the cornmeal. Add the coated fish to the hot skillet and sear for 2 minutes on each side, then transfer the skillet with the fish to the oven and continue to cook for 8 to 10 minutes, until the fish is firm to the touch and opaque.
5. Once the rice is cooked, add the reserved greens puree and stir with a fork to combine and fluff the rice. Pile the rice onto dinner plates and serve the cornmeal-crusted catfish on top. Pass the lemon wedges at the table.